Today, I'm going to give you guys a little taste of my life. You might be able to relate to some of it, maybe not. Either way, my thinking is that if I make this personal enough, you'll feel more at ease about joining my community and allowing this to be a safe space for you. I seriously want that so much. I know I briefly went through a day in my life in my first post, but I want to expand on that.
My "hover friends" are probably my closest friends. They hang out in my head. The main guys' names are Anxiety, OCD and Asperger. There's others, but then I'd be writing a book, not a blog. They're not the nicest of friends by any means, but I'm learning to manage.
Let's start with Anxiety. Gosh, he's a pain. He's always worrying, always finding the worst in every situation. Most mornings, I'll wake up around 3:00 AM (almost 100% on the dot every day) sweating, fast heart rate and mind filled with anxious thoughts. I'm not even totally sure what the anxious thoughts are because my mind is just racing. Usually, replaying whatever dream/nightmare I had that night or randomly thinking about someone I lost years ago. Most nights, I'm able to fall back asleep within an hour. During the day, Anxiety randomly pops around throughout. Sometimes he hangs around more than usual, sometimes he's a bit more relaxed. He can find just about everything possible that can go wrong and keep mentioning it to me, over and over and over...
OCD usually comes in around this time. He can be helpful at times, like when it comes to cleaning up around the house. Most often, though, he's just a butt. He'll take whatever Anxiety is ALREADY telling me and he repeats it over and over and over... He also loves to bring up stuff that's already happened and repeat those over and over and over... Lately, his favorite memories seem to be car accidents and losing loved ones. He hardly ever stops replaying those memories and feelings.
This last main guy, he's pretty hard to deal with. Asperger usually comes out when the other two guys are out. He's the worst; he combines everything the other guys (including the ones I'm not going over) are doing and then he adds his own twists. "Okay, so Aylin, now that you're already anxious and worrying about things over and over and over...Check out those lights? Aren't they bright? Yeah, too bright for my taste. And check out this place! There's so many people. It's kinda loud, isn't it? But, hey, look! You can hear every single thing that's being said or making a sound in this room!!" Yeah, he turns my 5 senses into overload. When he's out, I hate being touched. I hate being around other people. Seriously, this guy could turn me into a hermit living in the mountains. Once he comes out, Anxiety and OCD get a power boost. Whatever they were up to already is now doubled in effect.
These guys don't quit. Though, neither do I. So, at the end of the day, I do whatever I have to do to relax. I'll be making a post soon about different coping skills, how to use them, what I've found they help with etc.
Anyway. I hope you can feel some comfort in knowing that I get you. I understand. Obviously, I haven't gone over everything I've struggled with, I might not ever. And obviously, I haven't experienced everything. However, I have experienced enough to understand. I understand that alone feeling, that dread feeling, that fear feeling, that worry feeling, that grief feeling. I'm here to help you guys. Let's beat this stuff!
Love, Aylin
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1- 800-799-7233
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
Suicide Prevention, Awareness, and Support: www.suicide.org
Lifeline Crisis Chat: https://www.contact-usa.org/chat.html
Crisis Text Line: Text REASON to 741741 (free, confidential and 24/7)
Self-Harm Hotline: 1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)
Family Violence Helpline: 1-800-996-6228
Planned Parenthood Hotline: 1-800-230-PLAN (7526)
National Council on Alcoholism & Drug Dependency: 1-800-622-2255
The Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386 or text “START” to 678678. Standard text messaging rates apply. Available 24/7/365. (Provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer & questioning—LGBTQ—young people under 25.)
Veterans Crisis Line: https://www.veteranscrisisline.net
(The above resources are obtained from https://www.psycom.net/get-help-mental-health )
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